had wanted to blog this yesterday night. but blogger was down for me. so i’ll just try to recollect what i felt and had wanted to write last night.

———

i feel so bad saying that to dear. i’m sorry. it wasn’t his fault.

here’s a blow by blow account of the little things that contributed to my mood :
dad couldn’t send me to causeway point, so i had to walk to there. not his fault, but i was rather hot and a lil sweaty by the time i reached. granny had promised me breakfast, but when my aunt came down, there wasn’t any. not her fault either, but i would rather she tell me earlier so i can go earlier for breakfast.

stood all the way from woodlands to raffles place. 40mins. in heels. everyday. not nice.

upon reaching, i had to rush all the way to golden shoe to buy breakfast, and then rush to office to eat. totally sweating by the time i reached office. i don’t know about you, but i don’t think it’s very nice to have your makeup ruined before you even step into the room.

settled my work for the morning, including the mail. there was this extra brochure on marketing courses which melissa asked me to read because she had nothing for me to do. -.- i feel so weird sitting there with my eyes half closed, watching the words swimming in front of me, while the others were busy working.

then my aunt suddenly pangseh-ed me for lunch. usually i would dabao back to office, but i didn’t feel like seeing the office so soon. so i dabao-ed to boat quay to eat. can you imagine that? i was sitting all alone by the riverside eating. haiz.

i don’t know why, but after lunch, the rest started to give me work to do. corine’s work was fine, because she patiently taught me how i should do it, even though i wasn’t very sure and kept asking her if i was doing correctly.

then karen asked me to do something for her. a very simple thing. i was supposed to enlarge and print out the company’s organizational chart. easy right? but she said it in short form. which i couldn’t understand. i was like, ‘har? what chart?’ she die die also must use short form leh. would it hurt to explain that ‘org‘ chart meant organizational chart? i also didn’t know that the photocopy machine could enlarge documents. then she gave me this weird weird attitude when i softly asked melissa for help after that.

what the fuck was that man? yeah i don’t know anything. but i’m trying to learn aren’t i? even though i hate my work so much, i still try my best to do nicely and properly for you right? what’s up with that despising look? if i knew everything, i’ll be sitting at YOUR place already. =|

it’s hard to pretend that i’m enjoying work, smiling at people, answering calls cheerfully, when i’m not at all. i feel so out of place working there, or even just walking around in the CBD area. i don’t seem to belong there at all. no matter how formally i dress, i guess there’s something ‘un-OL-like’ about me that’s attracting weird stares from people. i feel it.

working in the CBD area may seem glam, but along with it comes loads of stress. i feel the pressure of having to act and look professional when i’m not at all. it sucks. i feel so alone there. ):

on the way home, my mum said she could pick me up. felt a little better. upon reaching causeway point, i thought i was a little early, so i decided to go get some rose candles. i keep wanting to buy them and forgetting to do so. then my mum called and asked me to get dinner. -.-”’ no rose candles after all. no time to buy le.

that’s the last straw. the food court was freaking packed. in case you didn’t know, i’m a little agoraphobic. pushing and squeezing amongst the people made my mood very very bad. haiz.

so overall, i’m pissed throughout the day. sorry dear. din mean to vent it on you. sowie.

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